Wolf-mother, where you been?

Not only our travel patterns and ability to move freely across the world have changed drastically in the last months. My own life took a rather sharp detour mid-march, and since the end of April I’m living alone in an apartment here in Neustadt. Did not see that coming. Or did I? Nevertheless, my inactivity here is a result of me regrouping and forming new strategies and goals. I needed to be away from the digital world for a moment or five. 

For the first time in my life I reached out for help and people around me helped. People that I did not expect to be there for me.  Like hey, I haven’t really taken the time to get to ‘really’ get to know someone here for various reasons, in a country where I do have no family, I do (did) not speak the language properly and actually I felt quite lost since I moved to Germany. 

It is funny what you might get in return if you only dare to ask for it. No matter what you carried with you. You just have to ask the right people.  I have needed some time to adapt to my new reality, and to find my way back to myself. I would lie if I said that the first months were easy, but somehow some pieces fell into place almost instantly, but others needed more time.

So what has been going on in my life since then? I spent the best weeks of the spring (and the lockdown) living at one of my colleagues’ places. A beautiful refurbished old vineyard in Gimmeldingen. We welcomed the spring every evening with wine from the cellar and around Easter we got company from a German/Scottish family of six. The Parents, who work for the GIZ (German Corporation for International Cooperation) got evacuated from their last station in Fuji and could not transit to their next destination, Uganda. My colleague and her husband who have a background within the same organization offered them a place in our little lockdown paradise among the vineyards.  

Earlier this spring it struck me that there have been things that I have been running from. But this time I had to hit the breaks and stay instead of moving on. Or to be honest, the borders were closed.  And Europe was in lockdown. So packing my things and finding a new place and reason to be was harder than before, and maybe I have learned a thing or two during the last couple of years. So I stayed. I do not say that my ways of always ending up at a new place every second year or so does implythat I haven’t been aware about a thing or two that is easy to ignore when one does not stay at place for a longer time.  But in order to move forward within all aspectsof life there is a need to reassess what hasnot served one well. May it be thoughts; may it be behavioral patterns or something completely different. And in order to do this I needed to stay.

It has been a spring and summer of contemplation. Hiking, crying, lauhing, wine in all shapes and colours, new people and catching up with old friends. Slowing down and really reflecting upon the big questions for the first time in a very long time

Thoughts and perceptions are not set in stone. They are constantly changing, merging with each other, turning into new shapes and concepts, slowly taking another shape.  With that said, I would lie if I claimed that I’m 100 % sure in what direction I am moving at the moment, but with the arrival of the autumn came an intense urge of starting to move again. Putting all the hours spent reflecting and thinking for the last months into an action plan. Work in progress. 

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